just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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