All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
