that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
