oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
