I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
