u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
