Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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