I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
