Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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