i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
