I think my vagina is haunted
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
