i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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