Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
