you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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