Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
