how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
