youre lurking in front of me
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
