my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
