Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
