You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's shark week go big or go home
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
