I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
