all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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