Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
