I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
