I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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