He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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