He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
