I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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