I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
These tits shall not be calmed
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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