so that wasnt chicken after all
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i would one night stand the shit outta him
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
