FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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