i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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