I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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