last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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