Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
