Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
