In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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