I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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