My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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