HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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