Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
