Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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