I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
