i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
