My sheets look like a crime scene.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
