ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
