just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
