halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
