I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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