just tell him i said nine months
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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