Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
