make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
