Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
