I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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