with your own penis?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
