What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
