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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
