Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
