He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
