I love black thongs
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
