My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
