i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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