Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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